Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
