Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
