I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
