I think I am morally bankrupt
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
