Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Shame - the story of my life.
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