Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You should frame my arrest warrant.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
