I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
