Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
