I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
