That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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