i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well, you know. whores of a feather.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
