in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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