then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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