Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
