What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
