theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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