i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This baby is an asshole
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
