i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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