Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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