my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
