she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
