; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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