Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
