I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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