the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
