Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
