I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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