Already got asked if we're dating
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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