Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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