This is not my ceiling
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
