Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
