My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
