He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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