I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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