all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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