His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
