I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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