don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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