ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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