I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
