She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
