I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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