I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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