If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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