your parents love me but you hate me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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