I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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