My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
