The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
