Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
