I can tuck mytits in my pants
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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