I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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