ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
