She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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