I wanna bring you to show and tell
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
