i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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