i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
