I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
