his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
