rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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