Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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