I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My pussy is not your playground.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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