She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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