also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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