i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
a search helicopter?!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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