i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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