so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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