there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
