my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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