I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
In America we eat man semen.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
