She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
